I know I’m almost two months early talking about Halloween, but I had a thought earlier that brought back repressed memories. All of my friends (and some family) have always found it odd that as long as they’ve known me (or can remember) I’ve always hated Halloween with a passion. I never really understood why myself, and as an almost teenager my friends thought it was weird that I’d pass up the chance for all this free candy. As a spoiled only-child though, I got all the candy that I ever wanted anyway, and I got to pick good stuff!
Slight segue here, I’m supposed to attend a themed party tonight and any type of themed party always discourages me from going. I equate dressing up in costume to Halloween and thus the anxiety starts cropping up. Now back on topic.
While contemplating why I actually hate halloween, I figured out that it isn’t so much the holiday part as it is the costumes and the dressing up that I hate. That’s when I started remembering being a little kid, and all the repressed memories came back. I always liked the girl costumes so much better than the ones for boys. I didn’t want to be a comic book character or a fucking Ninja Turtle, I hated those things as I child. I didn’t want to watch batman, I wanted an easy bake oven! While my parents (my mom more so than my dad) would have let me dress up as anything I wanted to be for Halloween, I would have been way to self conscious and embarrassed (even as a kid) to dress up as something “socially unacceptable”. So as a young kid I turned my anxiety about myself into a pure hatred of an innocent holiday. I’m basically the Scrooge of Halloween.
Now none of this makes much of a difference. I am still not going to dress up as a Ninja Turtle or a Princess for halloween, and I don’t think anything will change that. But it is nice to have a better understanding of why I feel the way I do. As for this party tonight, I am going as myself, nothing more nothing less, and once I’ve made my appearance I’ll most likely leave because I’ll feel uncomfortable. And if that makes the host mad, oh well. I made it clear before I don’t dress up and I didn’t have to come in the first place.
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Completely unrelated to anything else, I’ve lost six pounds in the past two weeks! I am so excited! Visually all this exercise hasn’t made for much of a change really, but I’m glad I have some noticeable results. This will only help fuel the fire. I can’t wait to start feeling even better about myself.
- Posted with my iPad
Location: Lawrenceville, GA United States